Lula Mae Barnes

From the ages of 18-29 I have been up to around 200 pounds, down to 180, down again to 170.. Every time the weight loss ended it was not on purpose. Some major trauma would happen in my life or I would get stuck in a bad mood. I convinced myself that I was satisfied because I weighed much less and looked much better than I had before. This blog started when I hit a plateau at 163 lbs and convinced myself that I was healthy and beautiful. I might be adorable in the eyes of some, but I am not healthy. I am determined to lose about 20 pounds and prove to all the women in my family that we do not have to accept the size 12-20 shape we say we are born with. I understand that it means changing my lifestyle and that is the main focus of this blog, with a little life story thrown in. I have always related to Amelie and Holly Golightly, so please excuse all of the Breakfast at Tiffanys and Amelie references. I am just a woman on the verge of 30 who finally cares about life and wants to make her future as promising as possible.

I should warn you before you get too involved that my favorite writers usually write train of thought. I may go off on tangents and for that I apologize, but I promise that someday I will bring you something of substance.

Weight is  something that I’ve battled with my whole life. I’m not a fat person but I have always perceived myself as chubbier than I am. I have just recently accepted that. I finally know how to eat well and occasionally exercise. I was a bit excited because the culture seemed to be turning around, finally women who were a size 12 were being recognized as beautiful. Since I happen to be a size 12 I thought “score!”. These women are still looked at as plus size models, but compared to the waifs that I could never become even the models on the non plus size runway seemed a bit curvier. Now I innocently buy a copy of Elle to entertain me on a plane ride down to Florida. I shift through the fashion to get an idea of what I will be able to afford at TJ Max in a season or two, and what I can try to impersonate now. Towards the end of the magazine I come across this article, an interview of a lady who is so health conscious that she thinks it’s terrible to promote anything to the public that is not aiming them towards having the perfect healthy figure. On one hand I am reminded of an episode of the Twilight Zone where a girl is almost forced to have surgery to be perfect like everyone else, on the other hand I can see some of the points this woman has. She mentions that we shouldn’t accept our bodies just because we think we were born into them. That one stings. I come from a long line of size 12-20 women, and a long time ago I sort of accepted that no matter how much dieting I did I would always come back to that size. There is a picture of her with her overweight mother and grandmother and it makes me think, do I have to accept my body as beautiful at this weight? I have to admit I am still self conscious. There are mornings when I am convinced nothing in the world will look good on me. According to the BMI my ideal weight would be 144 (I’m 5′7″) that would require me to lose about 20 pounds. The article had a lot of other interesting points, many too extreme but I think it got through to me. I think I will try to crack this size 12 shell and see if I can be healthier. I’m 28 now, it’s only going to get more difficult. I won’t take any pills, I won’t follow any special diet plans, I will just eat nutritious food watching my calorie intake and try to do at least a little exercise every day. This blog, in addition to being a place to vent and practice my writing will also be a place to post my progress.

Since I’ve decided to start this whole eating well and exercising thing, I thought I would post some sites that have helped me in the past. There have been times where I weighed in the 180’s and more. Any time that I get anywhere near 170 I see a huge WARNING sign in my head. The last time this happened I decided to research a little about nutrition. I figured out that most fad diets are just based on watching your caloric intake and they assume you don’t exercise much. With the Weight Watchers point system they put you on a very low calorie, low fat, low carb diet. That’s all it is. I can do that myself. If you exercise Weight Watchers does allow you more points in your day. Wooo hooo! This isn’t news, you burn more calories than you take in and you lose weight, why are we paying monthly fees for this? And like any diet if you don’t follow it correctly it will not keep helping you in the long run, which is why it wasn’t good for me. I didn’t listen to their advice about balanced meals but focused on the point system. If I wanted to have 16 weight watchers chocolate cakes then that’s that I had. Sure, I lost weight but as soon as I got off the diet it all came back. It wasn’t a life style change. I am not going to buy weight watchers meals forever. I also thought the women there who weighed me in were devils. I told you I ramble.

When I looked into basic nutrition I discovered that I really did need to pay attention to food groups, calories, different kinds of fats, sugars, and all sorts of other things I never really thought about. Now I know that if I do not exercise much I can have about 2,000 calories per day, but that there need to be healthy proteins, dairy, and a ton of veggies, etc. It’s not just watching the calories or the carbs or the fat, it’s everything. I’ll admit right now it’s a pain in the ass but luckily as I did this more grocery stores tried to compete with Whole Foods and it became easier to find food that was good for me at low prices. I also discovered that if I really needed to taste something extremely yummy and almost sinful I could turn to hungrygirl.com. This is not the place to get all your recipes, but rather to replace a few of your favorite things in your healthy new lifestyle. Seriously this woman is amazing she can make anything low calorie.

So now you know, I’m capable of this. I’ve lost weight before but the 159-163 range is pretty much the lowest I can ever remember being and that’s what I am now. If I can wear a bikini (outside of the house) before I’m 30, that will be amazing. I’ve never worn one. This belly and these thighs have always left me wishing I lived in the 20’s so that it would be considered obscene to show any skin. I have a year and two months and about 20 pounds. I think that’s reasonable. If it happens we’re all going to Hawaii for my 30th birthday, just so you’re aware.

I have some weaknesses.

-French Fries
-Cake
-Creme Brulee
-Cheese and Wine

I’m a little scared.

To help me I heard on the news this morning that Massachusetts restaurants may have to start posting calories on their menus. I think that’s amazing. Do you have any idea how many calories are in an awesome blossom? Let me tell you, not awesome.

Check out the Links under “Health” to your left and also check some of the RSS feeds. They are good women I have found all around the web who work hard to help or support the rest of us through their own journey in life.

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